Saturday, March 27, 2010

On Men and Women

'Mars disarmed by Venus and the Graces'
Nineteenth century oil, by Jacques-Louis David (Image from

Maybe this post will shed some light on the matter of Venus vs Mars, maybe not. I'm responding to posts I've read regarding some misconceptions about why women don't like being told they are beautiful. That's not true in my case; I think it's nice when someone has the courage to let me know how they feel about me. But I figured out what I don't like is the staring down that some guys do. Part of it is cultural and based on my own set of values, but it's also explainable in more or less scientific terms. Sure, liking boobies is a biological response - I'll go with that. But being fixated on body parts is, to me, borderline autistic behavior; surely a little socialization (including such things as picking up cues and developing empathy for others) wouldn't hurt if you're searching for the difference between women being comfortable or creeped out around you. It creeps me out to be treated like parts, and to be seen and judged for those parts. And if you think the guy's looks make a difference, I would react to the most good-looking guy the same way. So, next time you wanna tell me I look great, tell me to my face, not my body. And please keep your thoughts on specific parts to yourself. I enjoy living in polite society because it makes me feel safe, and that means I can go out more. Consider, too, that some girls become so tormented by the objectification to the point of going anorexic, to keep their bodies from developing. It's not as easy as telling women and girls to just relax; so much of what we don't understand about women is biological as well.